questbedhead:

questbedhead:

I’ve been thinking a lot about my old cleaning job lately so here’s a list of dumb shit I saw in rich people’s houses:

• motion activated toilets - every time you so much as looked at them the seat would lift and it would start spraying like, disinfectant or smthing
• A two-story walk-in closet
• an on-suite home movie theatre located between the master bedroom and its bathroom
• separate his-and-her on-suite bathrooms. As in two different bathrooms, one for ‘him’, one for ‘her’. 
• the literal ugliest decoration ie; a huge ass piece of quartz just. chained to the wall. Like industrial chained to the wall. 
• so many marble countertops with coffee mug rims (fun fact! marble is extremely porous!)
• a single woman in her 20′s living in a 3′000 sq ft house which was always already clean because she only used three rooms- rec room, bedroom, and the second bedroom which acted as an extended closet, and the kitchen is not on this list because instead of cooking her mother, who lived across the lane in a 6′000 sq ft house, would just send the private chef over with meals for her. 
• the aforementioned 6′000 sq ft house which had 6 different sitting rooms, two of which used to be what looked like a gorgeous patio and balcony which some fucker enclosed because for some fucking reason they thought this house needed more fucking sitting rooms. 
• many, many children’s rooms that were clearly designed more for aesthetic than for children to exist in. 
• A 60 sq ft shower
• a broken smart home system that wouldn’t let anyone open the blinds.
• A half furnished vacation apartment we had to pretend to clean every month for its absentee owner
• an apartment absolutely fucking covered in animal furs and horns. Like almost wall to wall dead animal skins.  Zebras, goats, wolves, I think a caribou, beavers, so many fucking bears, including a polar bear cub.  Anything that could be made of horns was made of horns. There was literally a wreath made of dear antlers. So many fur coats. I had to vacuum a bear and I’ve never been the same. 
• a shelf full of vegan cookbooks, in the apartment mentioned above. 

Anyways, skin the rich and vacuum their sins away; godspeed to any cleaning staff in this trying time. 

do-you-sea-whatididthere 

#…I wanna see the shower

It’s actually not all that interesting

[Image description: a line drawing of a smallish room. The right wall is half glass with a glass shower door; a showerhead and nobs are on the far wall. The left wall has a bench and the floor has a shower drain. A small cartoon woman sprays the ground with a hand shower with a bored expression. End description.]

So pretty much just a room, but with a drain and shower nozzle right in the wall. The thing about most of these places is the idea of them is a lot cooler in theory than practice. Like the marble countertops; sure marble is the Best And Most Expensive, but it’s just not practical. No one’s ever gonna need a shower that can fit ten grown adults. The people with the two-story coset never used the upper floor. The woman with the 3k sq ft house had a whole finished basement the sie of a decent apartment, and it was completely empty. She didn’t even use it for storage. 

Before I took this job I used to dream of having a huge house- huge enough to get lost in. But now that I’ve seen these kinds of homes I can assure you they’re nothing special. All they do is waste space and gather dust, and the people who own them don’t even have the decency to care for them themselves. 

If all of this ever ends, I hope the time theses rich people spent without cleaning staff makes them really appreciate domestic workers; but I wouldn’t bet on it. 

[Image description: A line drawing of a the woman from the first picture, vacuuming a bearskin rug. The rug says, “Remember, they would grant you no greater dignity.” End description.]